-Memoirs of France-
“Be led by your dreams, not pushed by your problems.” – Roy Williams, WR for the Detroit Lions
In the fall of 2006 - I remember sitting in a marketing class of my last semester in college staring into a white wall and thinking about my life. The thought that kept rushing through my head was I’m about to graduate college….so what’s next? My mind kept drawing blanks and I couldn’t think of any real logical answer even if my life had depended on it. I usually come up with a million ideas on any one topic but I was lost... Despite having co-founded a non-profit organization that helps hundreds of student entrepreneurs, called the Young Entrepreneurs Association, and having been a part of an abundance of business ventures, I felt lost. As I started dreaming up some goals for 2007, I stopped for a second to look around me at my fellow classmates. The room grew silent like those old black and white films where you heard no sound but people’s lips were moving, and I thought to myself…I have no clear vision of what I want to do, but I know what I don’t want to be. The fear that drove me was becoming society’s drone that worked 9-5, five days a week, and enjoying just two weeks of vacation only to catch up on some errands, for the rest of my living days. While there's nothing wrong with a honest and hardworking life, that's not the life I want to live. There's got to be more to life!
When I got home from class, I sat at my desk, and again, staring into a white wall. Except, this time it was a blank Word document, and I was trying to conjure up some goals that I wanted to accomplish in 2007. After what seemed like hours of nothing, I drummed up a list of categories in an outline format. The goal categories were Physical, Social & Family, Mental & Spiritual, Educational, Career & Finances, and None of The Above. I then began filling out random goals no matter how crazy they were into each category. I had all sorts of goals from traveling to China, India, L.A., to dating more, buying a dog and improving my golf game. As I jotted down my goals, a crazy notion popped in my head! I decided that I was going to take the year 2007 off to focus on just me.
When I was a kid, I grew up in poverty and I wasn’t able to afford many of the things I wanted to do. We were so poor that my parents had to work two jobs, almost 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. My brother and I would often make a bowl of cereal as our meal replacement because we couldn’t afford anything else to eat. So, I thought now would be the perfect time for me to do the things that I’ve always wanted to do. And why not? My family was now financially well off from starting a successful business. I was about to graduate college; I was debt free; and there was nothing major holding me hostage. I thought to myself that I will probably never again have this opportunity in my lifetime where I can do anything I want and go anywhere I choose - I had complete freedom. After all, I’d have the rest of my life to work but not a chance like this. I told my parents my plan and they were very supportive of my decision to take the year off. Thank God they did because my life would be changed forever.
[Thought: Quit letting excuses stop you from pursuing what you've always wanted to do.]
December 16, 2006 - In a few short weeks, the semester was over and the day that I never thought would come finally came – G R A D U A T I O N! I was officially a college graduate, and my parents’ dream finally came true. Many years ago, they had fled their home country in hopes of a better future for their kids. One of their lifelong dreams, even before I was born, was for their kids to go through college and live the so called “American dream”. Graduation meant more to me than just a mere degree. It symbolized the many years of struggle and hardship that my parents endured in order to allow me the opportunity to go to college. It was the biggest honor for me to be able to pay them back by fulfilling this single most important dream of theirs.
However, the American dream that they knew to be true 30 years ago had changed. There was a huge shift in the American society and economy. A college degree was now on par with a High School diploma. Fueled by overseas competition, the need for higher education, along with the internet information revolution, had raised the bar tremendously on a global basis. Something drastic has to happen if we are to compete and survive the next century. Those were the thoughts I had as I walked across the stage to receive my diploma.
[Thought: Always prepare yourself for change.]
The Wound - Shortly after graduation, one of my best friends, Chris, kept trying to get me to read this book he was really moved by called Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. It’s a book about being a man and what a man is supposed to be focused on a Christian foundation. At first, I was quite apprehensive to anything religion based because I had graduated from a private Christian school that had left me with some bad memories. I checked out the book anyway and was glad I did because it became a critical turning point in my life. (Thanks Chris)
The author talked about how every man has a wound, and this wound is experienced at a young age. More importantly, it is likely caused by your parents and/or the people who raised you. This wound prevents many men from becoming the man they truly want to be if it isn’t overcome. (Sadly enough, many men never do.) I remember breaking down a few times throughout the book when I realized my own wound and how it had sucked the life out of me over the years. My wound was not feeling accepted or good enough for my dad and mom, and I always needed their approval to feel content.
Growing up, everything I did never seemed good enough to them and this carried over to me trying to prove myself worthy to, not just my family, but to everyone I came in contact with. I, unknowingly, disguised my wound as my will to succeed without really knowing that I acted the way I did because I felt unworthy and I thought monetary success was my answer to the real issue - acceptance. After truly grasping that this wound wasn’t my fault, I finally got over this daunting hurdle and felt the years of pressure roll off my shoulders. I no longer needed people’s approval to feel happiness. I no longer wanted nor needed to use money as a measure of my success because money didn’t mean everything to me anymore. At the same time, it made me realize that my parents were the way they were because their parents raised them that way, and they were just as wounded as I was.
I heard a great quote from Chris that summed up what the new definition of success was for me:
The Definition of Success
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better;
Whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
[Thought: Don't let your wound represent who you are.]
Adventure! - At the same time of this self-realization, I was working for a staffing company where I did my internship at, and I continued it in order to wrap up some unfinished projects. During that time, I became good friends with entrepreneurs/owners, Robert and Michelle. I often consulted with Robert about various things and he always encouraged me to pursue my wild entrepreneurial ideas, but the problem was that I didn’t truly feel “passionate” about any of them. As a matter of fact, I forgot what it was like to feel passionate about anything… I was still trying to recover from a failed business where I had lost quite a bit of money, and it put a big dent in my armor.
So, I decided to finish up my work with their company and then venture out to do some soul searching in hopes of finding my passion. I decided that I needed a drastic change, something that was borderline insane. I needed an adventure! During that time, I had heard a lot of things about a little country known as Vietnam. Through some simple research, I found that their economy was booming! It also turned out that I had a cousin there, named Quan, who I met when I was just a baby. He had moved to Vietnam 15 or so years ago to do business, and I heard he had become quite successful. So I took a leap of faith and parted ways with the girl I was seeing; played as much golf as humanly possible; and booked a flight to Vietnam in search of adventure, with the ultimate goal of finding myself – my passion.
[Thought: If you've ever felt lost, stop and ask for directions.]
May 31, 2007 - I was sitting on a plane waiting to depart to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam at 7:35 AM. It was quite nerve racking because I had never left the country before. I was what my Mom called, a typical ABC (American Born Chinese). I kept thinking about what it’d be like; how the food tastes; who I’ll meet; if I had forgotten anything; and if my family was going to be ok with me being gone for two months because they depended on me so much.
I remember the plane had this sterile like smell, and everyone was either half asleep or on their blackberry. Feeling bored, I reached for a magazine that was in the seat in front of me and I flipped to the first article. Coincidentally, the article was about the Generation Y people. I fit in that category so it caught my immediate attention. It talked about how we Gen Y people value autonomy, flexibility, and we have to feel passionate about what we do. Passionate you say? It was like the stars had aligned for me to be on that flight, at that time, on that day, and to pick up that magazine to read the first article about passion. That was what my journey across the world was all about.
(Hong Kong arrival)
[Thought: Coincidence doesn't just happen. It's up to you to put the pieces together.]
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – I finally landed in Vietnam after about 24 hours of flying and delaying. It was SCORCHING! My head was beading with sweat from the sweltering heat and humidity. (Keep in mind that it was about 10 PM and it was this hot?!?) It was quite the rude awakening, not to mention, the over crowded airport full of taxi swindlers trying to pick out the tourists who looked like easy prey. Luckily, my uncle was there and called a friend to pick us up. I arrived at my cousin Quan’s home later that evening and had a long conversation getting to know him. We got along so well that it was as if we were old pals.
(Vietnam airport)
(My cousin’s restaurant)
[Thought: Wear shorts to Vietnam.]
New found respect for my mom – The next morning he took his wife, son, and me out to eat at his brother’s restaurant and it was my first time meeting his older brother. He treated me to some dumplings, soup, with some Vietnamese style coffee and dragon fruit. After breakfast, my uncle came over and took me around town. The first place I went to see was the street my mom used to work at when she was a little kid. She must’ve been 10 years old when she started working and selling fresh meat from a cart on the side of this busy street. I learned so much about my mom and gained so much respect for her from just that little moment. She had to drop out of school in the 4th grade to start working to help support the family and put her little sister through school. It’s amazing to see how far she has come in the US with the very little education she had and no knowledge of the English language – quite the story in itself. What amazes me even more is how she never once complained. It made me start wondering, “What the hell am I complaining about?” We then went to do some of the usual tourist stuff like sightseeing and shopping.
(Where my mom worked)
[Thought: Your mom can surprise you at the weirdest of places.]
Epiphany! - Slowly over a few days, I ventured out more and more on my own to various places around town. At first, it was kind of intimidating because I didn’t know the Vietnamese language and everyone was always trying to rip me off because they knew by instinct that I was a tourist. They could smell me a mile away. I eventually got over the intimidation and learned how to fend for myself and I became a bargaining machine! I also took the time to check out the stock market there every morning and it turned out, in 2007, the Vietnam index was the 2nd highest performing index in the world. Not to mention, it was the 2nd highest growing economy as well! So, by the second week of my arrival my entrepreneurial senses started going haywire…and the crazy thought that jumped in my head was I should move here!
[Thought: Take big risks early in life.]
Nha Trang Beach – Over the next few weeks, I traveled up and down Vietnam and met some great people. The first place I went to with my cousin and his family was a beach called Nha Trang. The water was so blue it was unreal with white sand beaches, and I visited a little island where, literally, thousands of monkeys roamed around in the open. I also did a lot of fun activities like snorkeling and Para-sailing for the first time. After a few short days, I ventured off with half of the group I came with to the old imperial city called Hue because one of my cousins wanted to go there to visit her family. This was a little city where the last king of Vietnam lived. His palace was old, rustic but beautiful, and the tomb’s had unbelievable architecture and engravings.
(Nha Trang Beach)
(Sunrise at Nha Trang)
(On Monkey Island)
(The Citadel)
(King's Tomb)
(If I were king.)
While I was at the king’s palace, I met this Australian girl named Liz who was a spectacular woman with a zest for life. Her energy was contagious and she was like a breath of fresh air. Liz happened to be an entrepreneur, so naturally we hit it off really well. She invited me to come back with her to this little beach called Hoi An a few hours outside the city. So I packed my belongings and parted ways with my group to hang out in Hoi An!
[Thought: Experience new things and make new friends.]
The little beach town of Hoi An was tucked away in a remote area untouched by heavy tourism so you could still get an authentic feel. The beaches weren’t packed like most beaches were in Vietnam and it was quiet and relaxing. It felt like it was my own private little beach. I stayed in a little cozy hotel, and rode on my bike out to the beach in the mornings, followed by breakfast and mingling with the locals.
(River in Hoi An)
(This is Linda. I got really sick after eating that Mango.)
[Thought: When in doubt, don't do. Never eat uncooked food from untrusted sources in foreign countries. Never!]
Ha Long Bay - I met some Scottish travelers at my hotel who had just came back from Ha Long Bay and they insisted that I go check it out. They said, “You haven’t seen Vietnam till you’ve seen Ha Long Bay!” Shortly thereafter, I went back to be with my group in Hue but left the next day to venture out to Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam. I hung out there for a day or so and booked a trip out to Ha Long Bay.
This was a mysterious bay filled with over 3,000 islands protruding from the ocean. It was unreal and looked like a movie playing out in front of my eyes. I toured the Bay on a really neat wooden Junk Boat, and met some nice Europeans and a friendly couple from Denver, Colorado. I swam in the ocean; slept on the roof of the boat underneath a blanket of stars; visited a huge limestone cave; went to a little island called Cat Ba; followed by kayaking in the China Sea. Ha Long Bay was magnificent and an experience everyone should have when visiting Vietnam.
(My Junk boat)
(Ha Long Bay)
(Ha Long Bay)
(Grottoes Cave)
(Kayaking in the ocean)
(Cat Ba Island)
[Thought: Just when you think you've seen it all, think again.]
Mui Nei Beach - After Ha Long Bay, I flew back to Ho Chi Minh City. I hung out in the city for a few days and then prepared to leave for Mui Nei beach about 5 hours outside the city. Mui Nei is the premier beach in Vietnam. It has been nicknamed the Coco Beach of Vietnam and has been filled with high class resorts, villas, and golf courses. We hung out there for two days at an awesome resort. Other than the beach and some good ole R&R, there wasn’t much else to do there.
(At the resort in Mui Ne)
(With cousin Quan)
Cambodia - When we returned back to the city, I had a crazy urge to go to Cambodia! I had heard a lot about it from the travelers I met along the way, and my dad also lived there so I decided to book a trip out there to see how my dad grew up. If Vietnam was hot…then Cambodia was a beautiful, rainy, hot hell. It was unfortunate that majority of the time I spent there was rainy due to the monsoon season. I stayed in a beautiful hotel in Cambodia; ate some really good stuff; and saw some neat traditional shows. I learned that the country, as a whole, was still in detriment due to the Khmer Rouge genocide from 1975-1979. They killed millions of people. If you were educated; owned a business; weren’t full Cambodian; or even looked semi-smart; they killed you. They would either kill you on the spot or take you to a concentration camp to torture you, and then you were executed. The stories I heard were horrifying. I often heard of shocking stories like little 10 year old kids being brainwashed to kill their own grandparents. It’s really sad because Cambodia was such a powerful country a very long time ago. At the time when London had a mere population of 50,000, Cambodia had a million people. They even ruled Vietnam and the surrounding countries during some periods.
(Some random monk)
(Royal Palace)
[Thought: Never take life for granted.]
New found understanding of my dad - I learned that about 87 of my dad’s family were massacred in Cambodia because they were Chinese and business people. He was in a family of 12 brother and sisters - all but two escaped. His older brother now lives in Australia and his younger sister lives in California. I always wondered why my father never talked about his family, but now I understood why. I gained such a new found respect for him for how far he has come in life despite having his entire family murdered and having all the odds stacked up against him when he came to the United States. He and my mom are a success story untold. Again, I thought about why in the world I complained so much about such little things when my problems were trivial compared to what my dad had to go through? – and he still made it.
[Thought: Sometimes looking into your dad's history will give you the answers you've always wanted to know.]
Ancient Temples of Siem Reap - On the second day of arriving, we went straight to touring several ancient temples known as Wats. It’s amazing how these magnificent pieces of architectural design have withstood the test of time for so long. They were mystifying in design, and mind blowing in size. I visited several Wats, but the more famous ones were Ta Prohm Wat (where Tomb Raider was filmed) and Angkor Wat (one of the seven wonders of the world). I couldn’t help but feel tranquil being in these ancient temples.
(Look familiar? They shot the movie Tomb Raider here.)
(The mother of all temples – Angkor Wat.)
(I had to climb really high to get this shot. One slip and I'd be a goner at Angkor Wat.)
[Thought: Don't climb Angkor Wat when it is raining.]
What is happiness? - After the temples, we went to a poverty stricken water village where everyone lives in boats. That was quite an inspiration to see people living in happiness despite such poor conditions. It made me start wondering what happiness really meant...I think as an American, we often become victims of the media and our joy is robbed from us. We seem to believe that happiness comes from having lots of this and lots of that, but in reality, the more things you own, the more things own you (Fight Club). My perspective and goals started to change while in Cambodia, and I began questioning my own contentment. Back at home in the US, I felt so stressed out, unhappy, and unfulfilled. I realized that those feelings were mainly driven by my goals for materialistic desires, but true happiness isn’t about what you have or don’t have. It is about appreciating the smallest of things in life that we over privileged societies take for granted. Out in the middle of nowhere in Cambodia, I was brought back down to reality and learned what was truly important in life – family, friends, good health, and life experiences that give you some form of happiness.
(Water Village)
(I bought a soda from him.)
[Thought: Material things will never give you lasting happiness. Only purpose, faith, and passion.]
Fried Tarantula! - On the way to Phnom Penh, capital of Cambodia, my bus stopped by a little street market filled with vendors and beggars. In one corner, I noticed a crowd of people laughing and screaming so I decided to check it out. I peeked over some shoulders and made my way into the crowd to find some big pots of fried insects! They had fried beetles, crickets, and tarantulas! I had heard tarantulas tasted like chicken, but boy was whoever said that wrong! It’s funny how people do dumb things whenever a camera is around. I told my friend to take a picture of me eating a fried tarantula, and it was the absolute most disgusting thing I have ever eaten! But I ate the whole thing and was ok down to the last bite until it got stuck in my throat and I choked. Yes, I puked…Not to mention, I started hallucinating the next few hours in my hotel. It is somewhat scary when you’re alone in a creepy hotel and you start hearing voices, and the locals tell you that ghosts are real in Cambodia!
(Fear Factor)
[Thought: Bring hot sauce next time.]
Bangkok, Thailand - During the trip to Cambodia, I made a new friend from Canada, and he was going to go to Thailand. With no plans when I got back to Vietnam, I decided to tag along and go to Thailand with him because I always wanted to see what Thailand was all about. We bought a Thailand travel book, and booked a flight to Bangkok. Two hours later, we arrived to a city full of beautiful women! Shockingly though, probably 3 out of 10 are really males. Naturally, we kept our guards up when we came across any good looking women.
(Bangkok)
(Temple)
(Temple)
[Thought: Beware of good looking women in Thailand.]
Porn everywhere! - On the way to our hotel, I kept seeing some crazy signs like Porn Laundry, Porn Optometry, and Puccy Vision, followed by we accept VISA and MASTERCARD. I later found out that Porn is actually a very common last name. It gets better. I read in my travel book that Bangkok’s original name was actually Bang-ma-kok. Pretty funny! With names and a history like that, how can Thailand not be associated with debauchery?
(And you thought I lied!)
[Thought: Not all porn is bad.]
Phuket - After shopping and sightseeing in Bangkok, we booked a flight out to Phuket (pronounced pu-ket, even though it looks like fuk-et). It was a beautiful little beach that was still recovering from being hit by the catastrophic tsunami that killed over a hundred thousand people in Southeast Asia. It was pretty amazing how much it has cleaned up. If I didn’t see the pictures of the tsunami aftermath myself, I wouldn’t have believed that this area was so devastated. I saw pictures of cars in the side of buildings (several stories up); a buffet of debris; and a sea of disaster.
In Phuket, I hung out on the beach; stayed in a beautiful 5 star resort; went elephant trekking up a mountain; and snorkeling in the Phi Phi islands by way of a speedboat. The snorkeling in Thailand was out of this world! I saw little nemos everywhere, and all sorts of colorful fish and reefs. One of the travelers beside me saw an enormous swordfish (he quickly went back to the beach thereafter). After Phuket, I went back to Vietnam to prepare to depart back home.
(Elephant Trekking)
(Who said Asians had small snakes?)
(What a view!)
[Thought: Life's good.]
July 22, 2007 - I arrived back in Charlotte, NC during the evening at around 6:00 PM. I remember feeling a bit of culture shock to be around so many non-Asian people even though I was born in America. It’s funny how that works.
Divine Intervention – After a few months of readjusting to civilized life, one of my best friends named William got me started going to church at an innovative church called Mosaic. After going to church and renewing my faith, I decided to apply for a real job because moving to Vietnam was beginning to jump out of the picture and I kept pushing it further and further out of my mind. William suggested that I get a consulting job with McKinsey, Bain, or the Boston Consulting Group because he thought I had the talent for it. I said, “why not?” However, you should prepare six months in advance before attempting to get an interview with these guys because they are the best of the best. But, I didn’t know how to prepare because I never went to graduate school or had any formal consulting experience.
[Thought: Shoot for the moon in all you do.]
Power of prayer – One afternoon while having lunch with another one of my best friends, named John, after a game of golf. He kept urging me to go to Vietnam and was asking me what was holding me back. I kept making excuses after excuses but I was just scared to go; to let go of my safe and secure life. I shrugged it off, but it was still in the back of my head…
One morning, still feeling lost, I dropped down on my knees and just prayed. I hadn’t prayed in ages, and I asked God what he wanted me to do because I was tired, lost, and didn’t have a clue of what I was supposed to do. I needed some direction and I surrendered. After praying, I don’t know why but I felt compelled to call a professor and mentor of mine, Mr. Murphy. I asked him for some advice on how to best prepare for a consulting job and he said something I’ll never forget… He said, “Why the hell are you getting a job France?!?! You need to get your ass in Vietnam! Don’t talk to me again until you have a date when you’re leaving. I’m giving you some direction.” He never yelled at me before and it shocked the sh*t out of me, but it made me think about my prayer and I said to myself, “Whoa! God, you answer fast! If Vietnam is where you think I should be, then Vietnam is where I will go.” And it all started making sense; what John and Murphy were trying to tell me…what God was trying to tell me. (Thanks you guys.)
[Thought: Listen to your heart and always trust your gut.]
On September 26, 2007, I finally found the direction I was searching for all year. I was finally one step closer to finding my purpose.
[Thought: Find your mission.]
Counting down the days - The thought that went through my mind every morning since September 26, 2007 was, “I’m one day closer to being gone for a very long time”. I guess this is what it feels like to know that you have only a few days left to live. In a sense, it was like I was going to die because I only had a short time left to live the life I had known for the past 20 years. In just a few short months, I was going to be in a totally new place; living a totally different life. After being in the same city for 20 years, you think you know all that there is to know about it. Everything becomes boring and nothing seems new. Yet, I didn’t enjoy Charlotte nearly as much as I did in the short time I had left before moving to Vietnam. I guess what they say is true about not knowing what you have until it’s gone… I’m just glad I was able to finally enjoy my home for once.
Looking back at my year and seeing all the goals I had accomplished, I felt a strong sense of appreciation for my life. I have been so blessed with a supportive family, a fantastic group of life-long friends, and good health. I’m so fortunate to have been able to take 2007 off to find myself. I wouldn’t trade it for anything because I got over so many hurdles that held me back; I found the true meaning of happiness; and I finally got the priorities in my life straightened out. Although, I still had no real clue of what was going to happen to me from that point onward, I was finally on a journey leading towards the passion I was seeking.
[Thought: "Never stop searching for your passion, never stop dreaming, and never stop believing in what's important to you. The things you'll end up regretting the most in life are the things you didn't do when you had the chance, so don't be afraid to take your chances on what you love, dream about, or believe in – win or lose." – France Au]
(Thanks to all my family and friends for your support.)
